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I am warning you now, this is going to be a very whiny, out of character post for myself, but I need to vent. I am so incredibly lonely. I have friends, incredibly supportive friends, but they are ALL OVER the world, people I have met while in the Army, through my blog, through online spouse support groups, through various wounded warrior events, but no one here. No one who's couch I could go sit on, no one to call up and invite to lunch, or a movie, no one to engage in my crazy ideas, just me, myself, and I. I am not anti-social, in fact I am far from it, I try to help everyone I can, I talk to my neighbors, other parents at school, but I still seem to be left out of everything. I never thought as a child that I would have to deal with stuff like this, I always had friends, I just assumed as an adult it would be the same. My parents always had friends around, and maybe that is what is giving me a false idea of how things should be. I just don't understand what I am doing wrong. I thought the answer would be in the Wounded Warrior Wives support group I started facilitating, unfortunately it never works out for anyone to come. I thought the answer would be the pageants, and it still might be, but so far, I am still back where I started. I have a great husband, and kids, and we have fun together all the time, but I crave girlfriends. I am very active in the community, I volunteer A lot,and am called upon to help others, whether it is to find a resource, to help with this or that, but never just, "Lets get coffee," or "Want to grab lunch?" I have gone to Moms Night Outs, and play groups, and things seem to go great, we have fun, and then nothing. My family is far away, I miss them like crazy, I would give anything just to be able to go hang out with my brother, or my sister when I am bored.We haven't settled in to a church here yet, I know that will help. We have gone to various ones, for various lengths of time, and again, I volunteered myself, helped where I could, attended events, and still I didn't make friends. I know the problem is me, I know I only have myself to blame for this, but I am really starting to lose hope. Eh, I guess being my own best friend might not be so bad after all.
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5 comments:
I am sorry to hear that; I know that loneliness can be one of the worst periods to go through. You're doing the right thing by putting yourself out there, and sooner or later, you'll find the niche where you belong. :)
XO, Rachel
With Love, Rachel
I totally get it! Sadly, my friends live in the same town as I ...It has been taking a toll on me to be the one who makes the plans to get together, to be there when someone is in crisis, and to be there to help with whatever. But when I disapear or even ask for anything...it is like they all scatter like ants. I don't get it either...
BTW Thank you for stopping by Creative Mess! I just started blogging in January so I am so new to this world.
Joanne @ creativemess
jmacreativemess.blogspot.com
Dont blame yourself!! Really! Making friends as an adult really is hard work! Kids make it look so darn easy! Ive lived in my husband's hometown for almost 5 years, and like you, I still have no one who I can couch crash with ... no one for gossip and coffee on a Sunday afternoon. All of my friends are separated by the military, the interwebs, etc. Which, don't get me wrong -- I *love* those friends to pieces ... but it would be so nice to have someone nearby. All you can do is continue trying to put yourself out there. Then you have nothing to blame -- including yourself!
I totally understand. We are military too. I've been feeling it as well. I see others that seem always gone seeing their tons of friends all over town. I wonder how do they do it and how do I be like them? My husband tells me don't worry about anyone else but just thinking about it makes a person feel lonelier. And then there are times I think too many friends means too many fake friends. And then I appreciate what I have even if they are far away.
I just came across your blog today and wanted to say thanks for sharing your life.
The only time I moved with my husband I felt that exact way for months, it stinks, I'm sorry. He was military at the time, and left shortly after we arrived and I was miserable. Thankfully time worked it's magic and I found one friend I'll forever be thankful for.
Now, we're back home years later and even being home I had to go through that all over again. For me, finding a church was the answer, where we've found friends who are family. With the daily challenges we go through (husband chronically ill and a missing brother on top of family and work and and...) I couldn't do it without them.
I haven't read far enough through to learn where you're living now but praying for you.
~Anita
http://losingaustin.blogspot.com/
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