Last night was a rough night. I slept in intervals of 20-30 minutes only to be woken up by my husband. At 3am he swore that he got a text message to go outside, and then heard 7 gun shots. There was no message, or gun shots. I never fully fell back asleep, his constant jerking, and yelling in his sleep kept me awake. It was one of those nights I felt like if I stayed in bed I was going to get punched in the face, but he has told me time and time again that when he comes out of these episodes, or wakes up and knows i'm there he is able to come out of it faster than if he is there alone, makes sense. Sometimes, I feel like I am dreaming too, like none of this real, I lie there and stare at him waiting to see what he is going to do next, Sometimes he sits straight up in bed after nightmares, and looks around to try to regain his composure, well last night he saw me staring and yellled "whhhaaaaattt," really loud. This is what I told him he looked like.....LOL
It got my heart racing, I thought he might get angry, but not even 5 minutes later he was snoring again. It was all just really bazaar. I'm guessing he had faulty meds or something because he remembered waking up a lot, and realized that was the reason he was so tired and usually he doesn't. For those of you who have been following for a while, you know that we have really been trying to get plugged in to the area, and find a church where we all feel comfortable, and can not only benefit the church somehow, but can get something out of it as well. We found a couple places here where I was comfortable, and that is to be expected with him, but we are continuing to try to find the right place for us. This morning went really well. We tried out a church that I found online, and it was funny because the first thing I found was the Pastor's blog and the first post I saw was asking for help in reaching out to Military Families. I felt compelled to send him
our story, and let him know we were looking for a church, and that I would be happy to send ideas his way for outreach whether I decided to go there or not. So we went and tried out
Journey Church this morning, and things went very well. Not only did my husband go, he sat through an ENTIRE service, he even asked me to join him at the altar so we could pray together, this is HUGE. For most people going to the altar is awkward anyways, but for a guy who has to see all exits at all times, a guy who doesn't even like to have his back turned to his wife, a guy whose anxiety rarely allows him to even be in the room with 5 strangers let a lone 100 or more, this was such an awesome moment. I saw my husband pour his heart out to God like I had not seen since before he deployed. He needed that. I don't think he or anyone else could understand though how much
I needed that though. I needed to know that he still had faith in SOMETHING,that he still could show these emotions that he showed me this morning. I needed to know that he still wanted a greater relationship with The Lord, and I think we may have stayed up there for a really long time because when we got up, we were the last ones. The worship team just kept on playing though, it was like they knew that we needed just a little extra time! I am just praising God today for working on my husbands heart, and for taking us to Journey Church where he could have this opportunity. Whether we choose to make Journey our home church our not. I am glad we went. I think that this is yet another step in the right direction for us!
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