I feel like I haven't blogged in FOREVER, and that probably has a lot more to do with the way I feel today than I think. In all the changes I have been through in the last few years, this is the one thing that has been constant for me. I have had to leave my friends, areas I knew very well, to go to places where I had no one, and knew nothing. My blog is someone, er something that I can say whatever I want to, and though I know people can read it and judge, my BLOG itself, does not judge me. The point i'm trying to make is that this is my outlet, and I have been holding in all of what you are about to read....
I think the last time I blogged was right after New York, I felt like I could take on the world after that, I was going to come back, write my novel, get it published, bam, the world would hear this story I fight to tell. Of course I still had a week of summer break before classes started so I volunteered to help my mother-in law go through her things and get ready to move to be closer to us. Now, her and I had not had what you would call the "ideal" relationship, but who does? We tend to butt heads a lot more than I would like, but I decided I was going to do the "Kristle Thing" and go down to where she lives and help her out. It was rough, emotions were running high as she sorted through things that were reminders of her life with my husbands Dad, (the divorced a few years ago) anyways, she hasn't been able to move on, he has, in fact he is re-married. I'm not sure how I feel about all that, its not really my place to feel any of that, I know that I don't agree with some decisions that were made, but they were choices that THEY made, and when you make a choice, YOU live with your consequences.We kept the things that carried little to no emotional ties to their "old" life, and made it a goal to have a yard sale on the weekend. We even had Nate's sister get her things from the house, she had not lived there in 6 months so I didnt think it would be a huge deal, but she was really pissed about it, which made the emotion s come out even more. I felt like the bad guy, because I feel like if I weren't there pushing that her stuff would have stayed in that house until the day her mom was actually leaving, and even then she may not have taken it. I offered to sell her things at the yard sale, so really all she had to do was tell me what she wanted to keep and what she didn't. Our yardsale ended up getting rained out the first day, and the second and had an issue with the sister again now this is the same sister who 3 years ago stole pain pills from me and switched them with Asprin. One of my largest regrets in life was not calling the police that day, I should have because her behavior has snowballed since then, and I promised myself after that I would never turn my back again, and I didn't. I felt like the bad guy once again because I snapped on her when I found her trying once again to take pills. I don't think I have yelled at her like that before so i'm sure it came as a shock. So long story short, we now have her daughter , who is 1 month older than mine, for who knows how long, so she can get her life together. I know I will catch hell for posting this, but I really don't care at this point because its all TRUE and it might hurt, but she made HER CHOICE, and she must pay HER price. So here I sit, I finally got the girls to nap, 3 hours after I intended to, and its going to bite me in the ass later because they won't want to go to sleep. Guess I can't have my cake and eat it too. I'm certain that things will calm down, but i'm a planner, and not knowing whats next kills me. What kills me even more is not being taken seriously, and that is EXACTLY how I feel in this situation. This happened so that Riley's mommy could get her life together to be the best possible mommy for her little girl, but I have yet to see progress, she can't even call her daughter every night, or respond when I send her messages with pictures about what we are doing. Is that my responsibility too? I don't know, I don't know what my responsibilities or expectations are in this situation, but all I can do is my absolute best. I got in "trouble" yesterday for mentioning it in one of my facebook comments, maybe that isn't the place to say things, but it wasn't like I posted a status about her and how I REALLY feel about all this, I merely answered the question, "How did you end up with TWO 2 year olds," with "She is my niece, Nates sister is having addiction issues...AGAIN." The audience were MY friends, those I seek for support, and a few were even around the first time this happened, and helped me to identify the pills that my pain pills had been replaced with after my C-section. What makes it even worse is that when its stuff about Nate or the kids, or myself, nothing is ever said and when I ask if anyone saw it they usually say no, so why this time, why something that is ALL the way down in a conversation that was not even mainstream, I just don't understand. I am not going to hide this, everyone has hid it for so long. It dates back to when I had Kynlee and we were lied to about why she and the baby had to come along, i'm not going to hide ANYTHING to protect her. Like I said, you make your own choices and you pay the price. Everyone is so worried about how she feels, and her depression, and what if she can't get another job, none of that has anything to do with me saying ANYTHING on fb or anywhere else, it has to do with HER and HER CHOICES.Whew, I feel better already! I guess i'm just super overwhelmed...One thing I absolutely want to stress is that I am NOT trying to be hateful, we are doing this because we love this little girl, and her Mama, and we want her to get the help she needs, but at the same time I am human and and have my own feelings and emotions, and I will protect myself, and my immediate family first.I am not one to enable anyone, and if you have been reading a while you know that about me. I do think that different approaches work for different people, and I would believe that in this case too except for the fact that EVERYONE has ALWAYS given her everything she wanted/needed, she NEVER had to hit rock bottom and know what it is like to suffer from her own choices. I think at 27 years old, it is time to pay your own bills, make your own choices, suffer YOUR OWN consequences, and deal with the fact that life is NOT easy no matter who you are!
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