Growing up without my mother directly in my life, I had to find other ways to learn the things that girls generally learn from their mother, I learned a lot from my father, but there are just SOME things a man cannot teach you! So, I turned to mothers of my friends, teachers, coaches, and others in the community. Each of these played a very important role in the person that I am, teaching me things like confidence, problem solving skills, and a unique care for others.Being 25years old, I still turn to some of these amazing women to help guide me, and through my journey they have stood by my side and helped me develop my voice, and use it to help others. That is the EXACT type of thing that Girls For A Change is doing. “Girls For A Change (GFC) is a national organization that empowers girls to create social change. We invite young women to design, lead, fund and implement social change projects that tackle issues girls face in their own neighborhoods. GFC empowers girls for personal and social transformation. The program inspires girls to have the voice, ability and problem solving capacity to speak up, be decision makers, create visionary change and realize their full potential." Without being empowered and inspired at some point in our lives, where would we be? I know I would be no where. I am continually inspired by the women in my life, whether it is caregivers of wounded warriors, photographers, worship leaders. I take a little from each of them to develop my own ideals, and goals, and hopefully to continue to inspire and empower those who look up to me. It is a very important, never ending cycle and I cannot stress the importance of this kind of a program in the life of a young woman. You are probably wondering why I am telling you all this, well, its because Girls For a Change NEEDS you! It is SUPER easy!! Here is what you do: Click HERE and follow the instructions to make Yahoo! your browser's homepage by July 1!By doing this you can help raise up to $10,000 for Girls For A Change! It can't get much easier than that!
Being the Wife of a Wounded Warrior, I have been blessed with some truly, for lack of a better term, unique experiences. All things, good and bad, have contributed to the person that I am today. This past weekend Wounded Warrior Project and The Writers Guild Foundation hosted myself and 39 other Caregivers of Wounded Warriors. They encouraged us to share our story, to open the hearts and minds of the world, and more importantly, to heal. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
Throughout this whole experience, the one thing that has been a constant is my life is writing. It has been something I turned to when I couldn’t take the pressure, something I turned to when I was happy. It has been my catch-all. It was not until this weekend that I truly realized that I could do more with it. I can share my story on a bigger level. This weekend, surrounded by some of the most incredible people I have ever met, I let go of some of the hurt that was stored inside me, freed the anger and resentment and took a step forward. Today, I will begin another chapter, both figuratively and literally, as I continue to pour my heart onto the pages of what will someday be MY STORY. I would like to share with you a small preview of what is to come, the start of my story. As you read this, keep in mind that while your experiences may differ from mine, everyone has a story, and only you can decide how it ends.
Sometimes, I think I just need to talk. There are days I bring up my husband being injured in conversations about Tupperware. I think I do that because I want someone to ask, I want to tell someone. To cry, to laugh, just to get it all out. I want people to ask if I am okay so I can say…… NO, I am NOT okay. Would you be okay if your husband went away and the Army sent you another man in his place? Would you be happy that no matter what you do he will never be the same? Or that this man that was once so much the pride and joy of the Army that they kept him away for 75% of your marriage is now merely a number being swept under the rug by a government fearful of its own reputation? It’s not okay that he didn’t get a retirement ceremony, or even an award like other Soldiers who retire. This wasn’t his choice, or mine. It is not okay that he is still having nightmares and bouts of rage after being on 17 meds a day. Its not okay that I have nowhere to turn, no one to tell. It’s not okay that at 25 years old every ounce of intimacy has been sucked from my marriage. Can I say there wasn’t sex? No, but it was merely to TAKE back what he believed was HIS.
It’s not okay that my kids will never know the father I chose for them. What did I do to deserve this? Some days I cant take it, and to throw the rest of the world at me too makes it unbearable. I secretly hope for something else to happen, some other drama so I can forget about it all, even just for a moment. I crave any bit of “normal” I can get. I know I am not the one who got hurt, I’m sure its much worse for him, but I am hurt nonetheless. I stay awake at night to make sure he is still breathing, or that he hasn’t tried to hurt himself. If I fall asleep and he hurts himself, it will be MY fault. What if he can’t hold out to see my kids grow up, graduate or get married? How can I encourage him to fight the fight? It’s not okay that my 5 year-old makes excuses for his dad’s erratic and unpredictable behavior. Its not okay that I never know when he is going to flip, at any second he could slam on the brakes in the interstate, break a window, punch a wall, or better yet, my face. How can I love him? How can I devote my life to this man? I can’t, and THAT is NOT okay. Everywhere I go I am afraid, afraid everyone is going to try to hurt me, to try to take away my life like he did. If I can’t trust the man I love, whom can I trust? I wish I knew.
Was it all worth the price so many of us have paid? As selfish as it sounds, sometimes I think it might have been easier if he didn’t come home at all.
For those of you who have been following for a while, you know how important it is to me, to have stability, to have a piece of happiness, and normal for my children. If you have been following you also know, that we were recently awarded a MORTGAGE FREE Home, through a Non Profit Organization called Military Warrior Support Foundation, and if you are new here, now you know too! I finally have pictures, and while you enjoy them, I want for you to listen to this song called THIS IS HOME, by Switchfoot. Its perfect because MWSF did NOT just give us a house, but a home, and a home is so much more than just a place to live! :)
Have an amazing song you want to share? Head on over to Goodnight Moon, and Link-Up Too!
Once upon a time there was a camera crew in my room, not not like that, really i swear, we were just filming a documentary, crap that sounds bad too, im about to lick it, the mic I mean...yeah maybe I shouldnt have said we were in the bedroom...okay enough of that...im just typing nonsesne, nonsense, nonsense. When I am all done I will put this all up on my blog, it will be the blog of the day everyone will probably love it, if they don't they can take their selves to another blog...yes I said it LEAVE. Kristen just said she had to poop I thought it was funny, then she said she had to throw up...oh crap...maybe the coffeee smores combo wan not a great idea afterall. We should have gone with split pea soup, or celery, maybe a little loaf of bread, or a taco perhaps, maybe tomorrow we will make better decisions. I am trying so hard not laugh right now, but this is hilarious. I am a natural laugher, probably a good thing im a natural at laughing and not other things. A spotlight video on you tube is zombies vs gamers, can you imagine, that would be crazy, I wonder who would win, both are crazy itense...I think the gamer would throw the controler at the zombie and that would be the end of the story. I suppose ill continue along the journey of fake blogging...the urge has now left Kristen...woohoo for no longer having to poop! Sometimes we take for granted the simple things...I think i'm delirious. Sowwy Riwey...sowwy Kwistoo, ummmm not sure whats happening on my bed but ill pretend i didn't hear it...it may ruin lives, or perhaps my bed. I feel like car dancing in my chair, left right, left right, slight wiggle of the head..raise the roof! ummm wow these people must think i'm nuts! Truth is I am! Put put put....don't worry thats my chair I mean car taking me across town. Burping is the solution to coffee smore's situations. That reminds me of the time I had sulfur burps....oh it was soooo horrible. I wonder how my chair car would honk?? Do we even want to know? I am dying right nowwww.....on a serious note, my shit bucket is feeling awfully light these days so thats great! Perhaps my hula hoop is just mine, and ill never ever share! My mouse is white, sometimes when I eat here it gets stuff on it, its really gross. mr clean magic eraser fixes everything...really it does. Gosh what a day, pretty sure I havent laughed this hard in like years, yeah years. I am running out of things to say but for the sake of me becoming a start ill keep going, maybe one day you'll invite me to your house to blog about the nothings going on in your house..it will be spectacular.
“For the first time in our history, American children may face a shorter expected lifespan than their parents.”
That quote, taken directly from the Partnership for a Healthier America’s website, explains the essence of a growing obesity problem across the U.S. The partnership—which is headed by First Lady Michelle Obama—says that obesity rates have tripled in the past 30 years.
Obese and overweight children are more likely to suffer academic, social and financial burdens throughout life. So, what can you do, to prevent this from happening to your children?
Together Counts!
TriWest Healthcare Alliance, the company which administers TRICARE in 21 western states, believes that together, we can make a difference. That’s why TriWest joined forces with Together Counts, a nationwide program that inspires active and healthy living. As part of Together Counts, we challenge you:
Eat at least ONE healthy meal each week.
Do at least ONE family activity each week.
That’s it – Just one! It can be as simple as cooking dinner together, then going for a walk. Or if you have kids, let them choose a fun activity. A picnic and a game of Frisbee at the park? A barbeque followed by a few hours in the pool?
Because, what it all boils down to is, we are a nation that needs to move again.
What causes obesity?
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), obesity now affects 17 percent of all U.S. kids and teenagers.
The CDC listed these as the most common causes of obesity:
·Energy imbalance. This means eating too many calories and not getting enough physical activity to burn them off.
·Genetics, which also affects metabolism (how fast one digests food), behavior (staying up late and sleeping in), environment (nowhere and no time to exercise), culture, and socioeconomic status.
·One’s behaviors and environment play the largest roles in causing obesity. These also represent the best areas for prevention and treatment.
Want more information?
It’s easy to find! Learn more about Together Counts, and how you can help, by visiting www.TogetherCounts.com. Find more healthy living tips on TriWest’s Healthy Living Portal, at www.triwest.com/HealthyLiving.
Are you an Artist, do you know one? I have a really awesome opportunity for you! How would you like to see your artwork on a Discover card AND Support The Troops at the same time!
As part of its ongoing support of military families, Discover is offering its fans the opportunity to design a new patriotic-themed Discover card starting June 21, 2011. Fans will vote on submitted designs and ultimately decide the winning card design that will appear on Discover’s patriotic-themed card. To enter the contest, fans must use Discover’s digital drawing tool, “Graffiti” at Facebook.com/Discover and submit by July 4, 2011.
For every ten votes received on contest entries and for every submitted design, Discover pledges to make a $1 donation (up to $125,000), to Operation Homefrontan organization that provides assistance to families of service members and wounded warriors. Discover cardmembers and fans will also have the opportunity to donate to Operation Homefront if they choose.
The contest opens for design entry submissions via Facebook.com/Discover beginning June 21st through July 4th. Starting July 5, 2011 fans can vote for their favorite card design through July 24, leading up to the winning design announcement on the 25th of July.
Supporting our Troops can not be much easier! Please take advantage of this incredible opportunity!
Hey everyone! Sooo glad you are here! Can you believe it is already Thursday? It happens faster and faster every week! I chose this song for this weeks Whats Your Song Link-Up with Amber from Goodnight Moon because I have had a really rough week, but regardless, I am blessed Beyond Measure. When I step back to see the whole picture things don't seem so bad anymore! Enjoy! Want to Lin Up too? Go Check out What's Your Song Link Up!
Hear, is the title of a poem, by a twitter friend of mine, Amalie Flynn from Wife and War. This poem is very beautifully captures the emotions that so many Wives of Wounded Warriors are feeling. Including me. Go check out Wife and War to read the poem.
I started crying within the first sentence, I knew immediately that she knew what I was feeling and that made EVERYTHING better, at least for that moment. I love my husband more than anything in this world, don't get me wrong, but sometimes, I want people to look beyond him, and see me. To know that he didn't get where he is all alone. Some people GET that, but MOST don't. Sometimes, I think I read to far into things, but when people share MY blog, and talk about JUST Nate and how HE has overcome so much, and people need to read about HIM. THAT bothers me. When people share OUR Documentary, and talk about Nate being so strong for going through so much and defeating his disabilities, and they nothing about me, nothing about the kids....THAT bothers me.
Nothing about that says THIS IS ABOUT NATE, its about US. So many times. I have been pushed lower and lower, so that he can rise above his challenges, I take the hit, so he doesn't have to, but no one sees that. It bothers me when my husband is taking part in a program, that takes him in KNOWING he has a family, but expects that none of this effected us. We didn't get injured in war, we don't have all the health issues he has, we must be FINE. HELLO, if you are going to take in Soldiers that have families, you have to know that the dynamics are completely different than that of a single Soldier, WE ARE his support system, WE ARE what keeps him going, so trying to encourage him to do EVERYTHING without his family, not the best idea you ever had. I get that some things are just for the Warriors, but if thats the case then these organizations need to just say that, i'm so tired of places saying one thing and doing another. I also understand that not every spouse is going to feel the same way as me, some are not effected, some married their warrior after injuries. Some have kids, some don't, some work, some don't. Bottom line is, the dynamics are all different, but would you NOT help one Warrior because you don't have a group of them? NO, so why should it be any different for spouses? I get that I didn't go to War, and I am not the dictionary definition of a Hero, but that doesn't make me, or any other spouse any less important. The thing is, if you can help just ONE Spouse, that spouse can in turn encourage other spouses to seek the help as well, if it wasn't ALL about money, that wouldn't be a problem. Saying you help the Warrior and Families is completely different than actually helping the Warrior AND his Family. Just Saying. Well now that I got that off my chest..LOL I am just really having a rough time lately. I finally got off my butt and tried to find a therapist, that was a FAIL, it turned into a session about guess who? My husband, and his PTSD, and things I should know about PTSD, and you know quite o'l me, I didn't say anything I just got madder and madder until I left. I did that because I REALLY REALLY needed to talk to someone. So I come home and call the Wounded Warrior Project Resource Center to find out if there is anything they know of that can help, they refer me to Military One Source, and I am back at square one. Discouraging, but not discouraging enough, I am stubborn.
This week, for Goodnight MoonsWhats Your Song? Link-Up, I present you with the most beautiful man on the face of the planet....next to my husband of course.
Want to Participate in the Whats Your Song? Link-up? Go here, and check it out. I promise you will not regret it!
Recently I had the absolute honor of meeting one of my favorite Country Singers, Mark Wills. Now, those of you who know me know that I am not that impressed with celebrities, I will not chase someone down to get their autograph, nor will I wait in line for more than 10 minutes to get tickets to see someone live, but when I found out that Mark Wills was going to be at the 2011 milblog conference, I was stoked. I know, I know you are thinking, "this girl totally just contradicted herself." Not exactly. Mark Wills and I have something in common, a passion for supporting our Troops. While at the conference, Mark Debuted his newest song "Crazy Being Home," and as I sat there in the audience, tears falling from my eyes, surrounded by the most amazing group of Military Spouses, I was so touched by these lyrics:
He almost forgot how to drive over here
While he tried to survive a year over there
Some young punk just cut him off
And ran him off of the road
He just turned 22 last week
In the back of a striker, somewhere in Tikrit
He never thought he'd live to be this old
It’s crazy being home
It’s crazy being home
He stepped off a plane
Feels like yesterday
They were waving flags and signs with his names
They said they were proud of what he done
If they only knew what he had became
The girl that he loved she swore she would wait
But he came home to a cold empty place
Got a burger today got a new cell phone
It’s crazy being home
The stars all look the same
He still answers to his name
It’s ok something it just ain’t right
He tried to fight for what he love
But his young eyes have seen too much
Till you will be where he has been
You wouldn’t understand
I hope you will never have to my friend
He got the call he's back on a plane
To where he belong might sound insane
But his brothers are there they can’t find this alone
So they dropped them right there in the blood red sand
His best friends is locked and and loaded in his hands
And the sergeant yells boys it's time to go
And he thought it’s crazy being home
It’s crazy being home
It’s crazy being home
It’s crazy being home
Having not been there myself, I will never FULLY understand the things that our brave men and women go through, but I have seen firsthand the effects on the family, and I believe whole heartedly that with increased awareness, and education, we can ALL help provide them the support they need! You can help get the word out to your family and friends about the "Crazy Being Home" Awareness Campaign. Join us in supporting our service men and women and their families. GO HEREto learn more how you can get involved and win some prizes.
Whenever deployment used to come up in conversation, I would tend to shy away. I would always try to change the subject entirely, or I would nervously say, “uhh it was rough.” It took me a while to open up to people about my husband’s injuries, particularly to those who were anywhere in the dreaded deployment cycle, I pretty much avoided anyone military. I hated being the epitome of what could happen, I hated being the example. I used to spend hours wallowing in my own self- pity, waiting for someone to step up and change things for me. I didn’t think I had the power to make anything better. I hit rock bottom. I was so angry, and so resentful, and so bitter towards everything. I pushed my husband away because after all, in my mind this was his fault. Our marriage was crumbling because of me, not because of PTSD, or because of any other issue my husband had, but because of me. When my husband was medically retired he gave up, we expected that. What we didn’t expect was for me to give up too. I gave up on everything, and when I did, someone was there telling me to dig deep and peel myself off the floor, she led by example. She led me to the light, and together we started creating solutions, looking past what was wrong, and focusing on what was good. Things really turned around. Things changed not just for me, but for everyone around me as well. That’s when I began to realize that maybe I could lead too. I started to open up, and I came to realize that there were so many spouses just like me, so many hurting and confused spouses. There were many spouses that didn’t want to be the example either.I found my place among the other spouses as their voice, as their go-to girl, the one who they could come to anytime, day or night. I enjoyed helping them in every possible way that I could, what I didn’t realize is that they were helping me. They helped me work through my issues by talking to them about my experiences in order to ease theirs, they helped me to realize that no matter how bad you think things are, there are always worse things, and the most important lesson I learned from all of this, is that we learn from examples, both good and bad. Simply knowing that changed my life. Being the example isn’t always pleasant, there are those who prey on the insecurities you expose, and try to drag you down every chance they get, but at the end of the day, its ok to be the example, someone has to.
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