Restless..

Ever get restless, and just want or even NEED a change, or been through a change and feel the NEED to get everything in your life in line with that change? That's how I feel lately. We have this perfectly amazing house, my husband is doing remarkably well in his recovery, and everything else, well, its a hot mess. I am behind on my writing because I went through a period of like a week where I was just going to do away with this blog altogether, and make a new one, and only blog about now, and not the past, to get rid of the negative in my life. Not that this is terribly negative, but I just thought I would be able to move forward, and move on. That's not going to work though, disappearing is not going to remove negative people from my life, or make me any less upset about the people who have chose not to be in our lives, speaking of which, my heart shattered last night when I saw a note my 5 year old wrote, this is what it said:

Dear Nana, Will you please start liking us again?

Nate. 

It is really hard for me to explain to my children why Nana just stopped talking to us. We aren't even mad about, just confused I guess. Those are the types of things I think I need to be able to fix, and when I can't I feel powerless, like I have failed in some way. I know there is not a thing I can do, but when it breaks my child's heart too, it makes it even worse. I'm sure with time she might come around, she usually does, but its definitely not a healthy pattern, for anyone. I apologize for being all over the place, its either that or not write at all, and I think the latter of the two is the better option. I can't believe November is almost over., my Princess turns 3 in a week, Christmas is right around the corner, I have not finished shopping for either. Why? No reason really, just the couch and I have become great friends. I have my 1st mental health appointment this week, hopefully that will help get me back where I need to be.

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