Posts
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Wheres the balance??
Ah life, its crazy sometimes, for us a little more crazy than most. Their always seems to be good in the bad though. If things are bad with Nates health everything else is good, if his health is good thats when everything else is bad. Its a balance, one I have no control over, I just have to go with it. The last two weeks as most of you know, have been horrible health wise, but everything else is seeming to pan out. We are off to a great start with Operation Homefront, I have the most amazing friends a girl could ask for, the overall aura of our life is great. We went to our second week of our marriage therapy on Friday, it was hard because I thought that I had been doing a great job helping Nate along, being their for him, and still managing to do everything else. It ripped my heart out when he rated our marriage at a 3, and then proceeded to tell the therapist that every idea he has I shoot down because..."he has a brain inury." Maybe I do shoot down his ideas, but its not on purpose and its not based soley on the fact that he has a brain injury, but that he doesn't think of everything. We both contribute to ideas, but I generally have a different more logical approach on most things. Thats how all marriages are if I recall correctly, each partner has something different to contribute, and thats no different for our marriage. The problem I have discovered does not lie in the fact that I "shoot down his ideas" its the fact that he is soo insecure. This is uncharted territory for us, for those of you who know Nate you know that he has NEVER struggled with insecurity until all this brain injury stuff made its appearance. I guess it comes with the territory, but it is really causing problems in our marriage. Everything seems to root back to this, his inability to make a decision, his procrastination to make decisions, his lack of motivation, everything goes back to him being insecure. He already feels like he failed the family, the Army, his country, he is so afraid that the decisions he makes are going to end in failure that he simply doesn't do anything. Its very frustrating for me because I have to have motivation for the both of us, and push him to do the things he does, but I still have to maintain a balance so that he doesn't feel like i'm being too pushy, and trying to force him to do things he doesn't want to do. blaah, this is exhausting, I guess thats why the therapist prescribed us each 3 nights a week of "alone time" so I can unwind a regroup, for me its coffeee, a movie, or just blog time, and for him its supposed to be Gym time. I use mine, but he has yet to go to the gym a single time. Thats the kind of stuff I cant make him do, its not my responsibility, nor do I have the desire to push a grown man to do something he "wants" to do. This is a never ending struggle for us, any of you have any tips on how to manage all this? At this point im willing to try anything.....
Friday, June 18, 2010
:(
I want so bad to go to sleep...ugh, but here I sit, its almost like im waiting for something to happen, I watch Nate as he goes to sleep, and then I wait, and watch, watch and wait. I never want to be woken up by something as scary as a seizure ever again, I need to be awake and alert enough to help him should he be in any serious danger. I dont know how much more I can take, he wakes up multiple times a night gagging, and hacking, with the chills so bad his teeth chatter, yet the doctors are doing "everything they can" to manage this??? I find it hard to believe, their has to be something else, and if I have to become a doctor to get this under control then thats what I will do.
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Thursday, June 17, 2010
The benefits outweigh the risk??
Im so tired, words cant not even explain, I need to sleep for an entire week without interruption, and even then I don't think I could catch up. Its been a rough week to say the least. Just when I thought things were going so well, I took a night off, went to a baseball game, and out to have a good time with the ladies, I come home, and Nate has a seizure. Wow, I don't think I could have felt like a bigger dill hole! I know that me going out and having a good time has anything to do with it, but it makes me question whether I should have that time to myself or not. I need it, I need to unwind, I need to regroup, to clear my mind a little, but it feels like every time I do something bad happens. I didnt know at the time that what he was experiencing was a seizure, it wasnt until the next day that I kind of pieced everything together. I know, that sounds horrible, but im used to him doing strange things at night, especially when he starts new meds, which in this case was Trazadone. So we kind of just let it go until tuesday and we call the dr office here in Junction city, no answer, we call Topeka no answer, left voicemails, and didnt get a call until the next day! Really? That is way too long, all we wanted to know is if they thought he should come in or not, I know you are all thinking he should have just gone, but everytime we go to the ER after something happens they just make sure he is stable and tell him to see his primary care doctor, or a specialist, which he already sees. When they finally called back the JC office thought it was serious and said he should go to the ER, but it would be better for him to go to Topeka because they have more access to all the special machines and things. When we get there, they wont let me go with him, so me and the kids wait in the waiting room for about 2 hours while the PA in the ER makes my husband feel like a complete idiot because he didnt "bite his tongue." She said that if he would have had a seizure he would have bit his cheek or his tongue. Im no dr. but even I know that 1st of all, not everyone bites their tongues, and 2nd there are different types of seizures. Heck, if it wasnt a seizure what the heck was it?? My husband was about to convulse himself off the bed, woke up a few minutes later with a horrible migraine and a mouth full of puke, if it wasnt a seizure what the heck is wrong with my husband? Maybe its the fact that he is on 15 medications 6 of which have adverse reactions with eachother?? I guess I forgot again, im not the dr, and the dr can decide that the benefits out weight the risk, if a person is on 15 meds, they shoudl be functioning as close to normal as possible and he isnt, id really appreciate if someone could tell me where the benefit is here!
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Letter of Thanks from the USA Hockey Team
Widget by Css Reflex | TutZone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
