Friday, November 12, 2010
Sometimes, you just have to let go!
Nate, the kids and I left Kansas early Wednesday morning, on a road trip to see my family in Colorado! I haven't been out here in over a year, and the last time was not a joyous occasion. Last September we lay my Grandfather to rest, as when anyone passes on there are lots of emotions. For me though, the emotions weren't the typical. I was more mad at myself than anything else. My kids were the first great grand children, and he never got to meet them. Perhaps I will never forgive myself for it, but if I can help it at all, that will NEVER happen again. That being said, I am making every effort this time I am here to see everyone I can, regardless of the past, even my mom. Now, my mom and I have never had much of a relationship, she made some decisions when we were younger that were not the greatest, but the rest I think was me. I harbor so much anger and resent towards not just her, but the situation as a whole. I am realizing more and more as I grow up that sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to survive in this crazy world. I should be giving her some credit for knowing that she could not provide us the things that we needed, and allowing my Dad to take care of us because I grew up happy and healthy with all the things I needed. I have been around her a few times in the past, and although I was young I never gave the experience a chance, I just HATED it no matter what! It was different this time though, instead of allowing my Dad, or now ex stepmother make my decisions for me, I made my own decision to have a good time and let go of everything else, and although that was the most time I have spent around her in all my adult life it was nice. I look forward to getting to know her. After all, she did give birth to me.