The Story of a True American Hero, His Princess, and Their Struggle with TBI/PTSD.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Forget The Dog Not The Baby! (an explanation of my blog title)

Since so many of you are asking I thought id take a minute to explain the title of my blog. Im sure if your reading this you have figured out what TBI/PTSD are if you didnt know already, but let me take a second to elaborate on the two.

The side effects of TBI are extensive and the severity of these side effects often depends on a per basis diagnosis. However, the common elements of a TBI injury include the following as reported by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC):


* headaches and neck pain

* inability to concentrate

* memory loss

* slow thinking, speaking and slowed actions

* mood changes

* light-headedness

* blurred vision, tired eyes

* loss of sensory ability

* ringing in the ears

* changes in sleep patterns

* nausea, vomiting

* becoming lost or confused more easily

Now throw in the PTSD Side Effects-

Frequently having upsetting thoughts or memories about a traumatic event.



Having recurrent nightmares.


Acting or feeling as though the traumatic event were happening again, sometimes called a "flashback."


Having strong feelings of distress when reminded of the traumatic event.


Being physically responsive, such as experiencing a surge in your heart rate or sweating, to reminders of the traumatic event.


Making an effort to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations about the traumatic event.


Making an effort to avoid places or people that remind you of the traumatic event.


Having a difficult time remembering important parts of the traumatic event.


A loss of interest in important, once positive, activities.


Feeling distant from others.


Experiencing difficulties having positive feelings, such as happiness or love.


Feeling as though your life may be cut short.

Having a difficult time falling or staying asleep.


Feeling more irritable or having outbursts of anger.


Having difficulty concentrating.


Feeling constantly "on guard" or like danger is lurking around every corner.


Being "jumpy" or easily startled

Now, I dont know about you, but if I were experiencing all of this I wouldnt want an awful nagging wife such as myself down my throat all the time! This is where the title of my blog really comes into play. Its all about COMPENSATION. Compensating for the things he cant do with the things that he can. So maybe he isnt good at mulittasking? So give him one thing at a time, that may mean that you rlist of things to get done for Thanksgiving will have to be started in April, but if thats what it takes to make it work, then thats what we have to do. I tend to think I have to do everything myself when stuff like this happens, but we dont, it just might take them 10 times longer to get it done. Thats where the acceptance on our part comes in. Its taken me a long time, two years to just get this far, and we have alot further to go with it. He will  NEVER be the "Nate" we all knew, but with time, and a little work, everything will be fine! So anyways now that I went off on that little tangent, what im trying to say is, if he has to forget something, id rather it be the less important of two things.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Not knowing is Killing me!

I hate not knowing what is going to happen, and that can be a very bad thing. All this VA, and TDRL, and CRSC stuff is eating me alive, I know it shouldnt be, but im really worried about what our income is going to look like in a month, or even in 6 months as it could change again after the initial rating. I just wish that they would tell us so that I could plan for it. Right now more than half my pay check is going to daycare alone every month, that doesnt leave alot of cushion after a mortgage and car payments. I guess i just need to learn to work with what we have, and anything else will be considered extra? I wish it were that easy for me, but I have a hard time accepting things. I have a hard time acepting this new person my husband has become, and the new person I was forced to become because of that. I hate that he will never be able to "Plan" anything, and that if I want something, or want to do something that he doesnt take hints, I have to tell him like 90 times, and then hold him by the hand as he does it. Im angry about this, and its not fair that after all that we still have to go through more crap to just get our life back to normal, or at least as normal as it can be.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Gubbs Got his Grant!


I am so excited to say that my son got his "Our Military Kids Grant." This is such an awesome program! They give grants up to $500 for children of deployed National Guardsmen and Reservists, as well as children of injured Service Members. This allows them an opportunity to participate in an extracurricular activity of their choice to take some of the focus off of the deployment, or injury. I am so excited about this. Nate has chosen to do gymnastics at Gymnastics Plus in Manhattan!Check out this Amazing Program to Benefit the Children of Injured Service Members!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Hunting in an unconventional way.


Our Saturday began as most do, Nate got up got ready to hunt, gave me a kiss, and left. I reamined in bed for a little while until the kids got up. I fed them breakfast and began on the household tasks that were screaming at me from every nook and cranny! I was trying to get everything done before my first photo appt and the inlaws got there. I had just started the laundry and dishes when I got a message on my phone from Nate that said, "I hit a deer, we are waiting for the tow truck, can you pick us up at the dealership when we get there?"  Way to throw a kink in my day! It wasnt really a huge deal though because we were already dressed and ready for the day,and I figured we would go pick him up and come right back so I could continue what I was doing. It was later on that really threw me off. I thought that everything was good, he wasnt upset because he got to bring the deer home, and they set him up with a rental and everything. They even got to salvage some meat from the poor little guy, yet something was just off about him. He sat in his chair all day slumped over, and didnt say a word to ANYONE...ALL DAY, what the heck?? I probably could have ran the vaccuum cleaner right in front of him and he wouldnt have noticed. Could him hitting a deer caused some sort of a flashback? Who knows. Maybe the sudden impact, maybe the blood from gutting him? I really dont know, all I know is he wasnt him self all day,and he has been "off " since the incident, having problems remembering things, distancing himself from us, having trouble communicating.It took me really pressuring him to even leave the house that night which kills me because then I get upset at him and then I dont want to go either. I know that his actions and feelings effect the way the whole family operates, I just wish that when I mentioned to him he wouldnt get all pissy and tell me there is nothing wrong with him because that hurts me in ways he will never know!

Thursday, October 08, 2009

What the heck Kansas?!?!?!

Ok, really just a couple weeks of fall, and then BAM winter? Im not sure im ready for this..perhaps ill flee the state? And they say snow is in the forecast for the weekend!? Way to go ruining my plans KANSAS!Today has quite honestly been one of the longest days ever its a good day to just curl up under a blanket and watch T.V, sip the cocoa or hot tea....too bad im at work for another half hour, and then I have more "work"  to do at home. It never ends...

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Kids Fall Pictures!

Im working really hard trying to figure out all this "manual" shooting stuff in the few spare minutes I have each day! These are the most recent pictures of the kids! All in manual! Woot Woot! I think im getting better since I first started, but I know there is always room to grow and improve! I think ive finally found a hobby that I can stick with, and it could very well turn into a career someday!


Saturday, October 03, 2009

Always a Production!

Im a firm believer in "You Only Live Once," and sometimes, ok alot of the time I tend to over do things.....its just that I like to put my whole self into everything I do, and go all out! Now before I reveal to you, my over the top action for today, let me recap my day! Nate (Big) had plans to go hunting so Ashley and I had planned to take the kids to the Ogden fal festival, now for those of you who have been here, you know that Ogden isnt the biggest of towns, so we tried to prepare ourselves for what was to come! But nothing, could prepare us for this!
A DANCING HOTDOG??? Is this their way of making me hungry? Well it worked, too bad they didnt have hotdogs there....they probably could have made some money!


















Thursday, October 01, 2009

I Love The Fall!

Not really sure what it is about Fall, but I find it to be very relaxing, the smells, the crisp air, the colors, it is by far my favorite season! Im looking forward to taking the kids to the pumpkin patch, not just because I love pumpkins, but I am really dying to get some cute "Fall" Pictures! I think things are getting better between Nate and I, we are our first marriage counseling appointment tomorrow, hopefully some good comes of that. The only thing im worried about is that its going to  be like any other marriage counseling, which is good, but if they dont know about TBI/PTSD, he may not be benneficial to us because we may need some extra help in certain areas that he or she cant provide. We will give it a shot though! On another Fall sort of note; Nate has taken up an interest in hunting, and he says hes going to actually hunt this weekend. We will see, he has said that every year since his injuries, and has yet to go. He has all the gear, and his liscense and his tags, he watches the shops all the time, and reads about it on the internet, but he has yet to do it. Im not sure if thats a lack of confidence thing, or what the deal is, but I read in my book "PTSD for Dummies" that people who suffer from PTSD often need an extra push to get them to do things, even if they are passionate about it. Sounds about Right. Thats usually how things go with us, I push him and push him and push him until whatever it is he needs or wants to do he does. Im just wondering how much, and how far I need to push him, or how much of that he can take before he snaps, or before I run out of go juice? I just really dont want him to be that guy that thinks low of himself because he has things wrong with him, I want for him to be that guy that tries that much harder to be something, if that makes sense. I mean really if I hadnt pushed him this far im not sure where we would be, and I know it sounds like me taking alot of credit here, but thats how I feel.